It’s been a hell of a year. But I made it out the other side even through all the emotions this year has brought. Today I turn 39, the last year of my thirties, and I still question where I am in life right now. This year I went to rehab twice, I almost lost everything I have because of that, some intense relationship issues with people because of my relapses, I’ve lost teeth due to drug use and poor hygiene while using, and more.
I’ve never been one to worry about age… Until now. As I enter the last year of my 30’s I think about all the things I’ve done so far in my life. I’ve done plenty I’m proud of, but then am reminded of the position in life I had put myself in, and now paying long-term consequences for those decisions.
I can’t help but compare myself to others. It’s natural. But I go down this rabbit hole of how people my age are way more accomplished than I am. Houses, careers that pay well, nice cars, fancy trips. It’s hard to look at sometimes, and jealousy comes out. But I try to knock myself back into reality. Then I start looking at what I do have and what I’ve accomplished.
I now have more than 9 months clean from all substances, I left a traditional job to start my own dog training business, I grew closer to all my friends and family through everything, I got a new car, and finally got 2 of my dream tattoos and some piercings, and a lot more. So, I do have some great things happening this last year, I just have trouble seeing it when things are going difficult for me.
All the information and experiences I’ve had this year have taught me so much. How to live, how to be, how to enjoy life. I’ve got a bucket list ready for this new year so I can go into it knowing I have a plan and also a guide for me to follow. Although turning 39 come with its own set of emotions, I am excited about it too.
Thank you all for a year well spent. Now onto the last year of my thirties.
Year 38 Retrospective
Side note of something that bugs me.
The one thing that bugs me is if you say you feel like you’re getting old and for some reason they feel the need to one-up you because they are older. In the process of diminishing your feelings. Like, I get it Karen you’ve been here too, now let other people feel their feelings.