This feels a bit foreign to me. I haven’t written in quite some time. August of last year, to be exact. It’s been a long few months, and I haven’t really felt myself enough to write. But I had a sudden burst of inspiration. It’s not much, but I just wanted to touch base on my progress on several fronts.
A while back, I was watching one of my favorite shows, and at the end of the show, there was this amazing scene with an equally amazing song to go with it. I’ll let you watch the video first, then I will explain why this had such an impact on me.
It’s no secret that I live with Bipolar Disorder. I have always been very open about it, for the same reasons I am open about my addiction issues. One thing I haven’t talked about, though, is my symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, which I struggle with every day. My earliest memory of having behavioral issues was around 10. I had a lot of childhood trauma that was the catalyst to what I think was the...
For me, this has always been a problem from a young age. I’ve always had these small and large obsessions that steal all my focus, much to the detriment of many other parts of my life. It comes up in many ways, which I will mention later. My mental diagnosis is a huge factor in these fixations. It’s important to know that hyperfixation isn’t a diagnosis, but a symptom of other underlying me
I don’t really have any words of wisdom for this one. I struggle hard core with it. This is more of a request of what do you do in these situations. Not being included. I don’t think it’s a FOMO type thing here, but more of an “am I really friends with this person?” I know it’s rooted in my insecurities, but I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that not everyone wants you...
It’s up to me to find that space and balance. It can be found in giving myself grace for the negatives in my life. Now more than ever it’s important to be nice with where we are in the current world. Take care of myself. Love myself. Be myself, no matter what. It’s easier said than done. I can talk a big game, but being active in my growth is so important. I do that by understanding myself and...
I’m still in shock about what happened this week with the election. I’m scared for myself being queer and for my friends and family as women, people of color, immigrants, and queer people. This is a dark day for us. I feel afraid for my marriage, my place in society, and for my life. The far-right rhetoric has already begun with people calling for concentration camps for LGBTQ+ people and calls...
I’m at a loss for most words this morning so this will be short. I feel physically ill. A guttural response to the news I observed last night. I woke up this morning to the confirmation of what so many thought wouldn’t happen. But it has. It happened. Now I fear for my rights and so many others. We are at a huge risk for losing so much now. I may lose my right to be married. To go places others...
Growth is different for different people. But there is one common thread in it all; you lose things as you grow. It’s inevitable. It’s beyond your control. And that’s the lesson I am having to learn. Nothing is fixed, nothing is constant, nothing lasts forever. They say you must change people, places, and things in your life to make sure your recovery is as successful as possible. Those are...
Depression is a huge part of my mental illness diagnosis. It is a full half of my bipolar diagnosis. I also live with PTSD, anxiety, and mania. I got the full package of genetics right there. I have been so lost in my depression that many areas of my life have been getting worse. I do not want to do anything or go anywhere. Much less communicate with people either in person or through the phone.