I don’t really have any words of wisdom for this one. I struggle hard core with it. This is more of a request of what do you do in these situations. Not being included. I don’t think it’s a FOMO type thing here, but more of an “am I really friends with this person?”
I know it’s rooted in my insecurities, but I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that not everyone wants you everywhere. It’s really difficult feeling like you aren’t wanted or don’t belong. Feeling like people are embarrassed of you so they don’t ask you to go places.
Is it my smile where I’m missing teeth? Is it the way I look? Am I interesting enough to want to be around? Am I to secure in my gender expression for people? Is my career something to be embarrassed of? Or am I just a side friend where other friends are more interesting than me? There’s lots of things that go through my mind when I’m feeling left out.
I’ve had my fair share of relationships and friendships where I was effectively kept away from the rest of their lives. So, when it happens these days, it feels raw, and all of those emotions come back up to the surface.
I’ve been dealing with this feeling a lot today. People you thought were your friends but want to ice you out of being around their friends. There are so many excuses. I know, as I type this out it seems like a woe is me type of thing. I agree to a point. However, when you’ve known someone for a long enough time, and you’ve never been invited out to see their other friends my ego and insecurities take a hit.
I know everyone has their own friend circles and that’s completely fine, but when it’s been years of knowing someone and they’ve never made the effort to include you, it makes you feel small, insignificant, and rejected. My childhood trauma doesn’t help. For example, I was a struggling kid in elementary school. My brother’s mental health was taking priority over mine, so I never really got a good diagnosis of my own mental health issues. This presented itself into my acting out in school. It was so bad in the second grade that my teacher at the time had the whole class vote on whether or not I would be allowed to go on a field trip. The majority was no. So, feelings of being rejected and not included are deep rooted.
When it happens as an adult it feels like I’m back in second grade with people figuring out why I shouldn’t be included with the rest of them. Especially when I make the effort to include them in all parts of my life.
Like I said, I don’t have words of wisdom for this one. I have no answers. Typing it out is therapeutic, but I’m looking to you to tell me how you dealt with these situations. What gets you through feeling unwanted and rejected? I feel like someone out there can relate and provide some sense of hope, cope, and no dope.