Being hyper focused on things is a common thing for me when I’m going into or already in a manic episode and paired with my addiction. Although some good things can come of whatever I focus on, it can be a scary and unproductive at other times. I tend to have no control over what I’m doing. It’s typically random what I will focus on, but on a “good day” I will end up on something I am passionate about and really enjoy doing. However, when I come down, I have been so consumed and overwhelmed with that focus, I burn out on it. I’m so exhausted from it that I want nothing to do with it for a long period of time afterwards.
Another thing that happens when I am hyper focused, everything else falls to the side. This includes important daily tasks. I forget proper hygiene, I don’t communicate or interact with friends or my husband, I don’t work with my dogs, I go sleep deprived, barely eating, and more. I become fully obsessed.
It makes me think about a set of questions in the Step Work guide under “The Disease of Addiction.” This section focuses (haha) on behaviors and obsessions. The specific question and my answer;
What is it like when I’m obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe.
I’m all in, no deviation. My entire being is consumed with whatever it is. I can’t function in my normal life or normal daily tasks. Life sustaining or otherwise. My personal life becomes non-existent, my work suffers, my relationship takes a hit, my hygiene and health declines, and all that focus and energy goes towards my obsession.
My thinking goes from the ideation of using to the full-blown relapse. When things start getting tough, I think If maybe one sip or drink or one bump or line would alleviate the problem then I could go back to normal, whatever that looks like. I then try to find something to focus all my energy on, obsessively and uncontrollably. Making lists, playing video games, writing, obsessively working on my website, whatever it may be. I go back and forth between all that until a relapse happens.
It may be taboo to share an answer from my step work, but like always, if I share it and it helps just one person, then my writings and life are worth it.
For the last month since being home I have been working on how to better cater to each part of my life in a healthy way that it is deserving of, especially when I am in a manic and hyper focused state. I want to be good at all the things I am passionate about or need to focus on to maintain good physical and mental health, just in a safe way. I have been trying to find ways to cope and manage these hyper focused states. Here are some of the ways I have learned to cope with those episodes.
- Keep track of your triggers so that if you see them coming or have already been affected with it you can take steps to cope with the episode.
- Identify the things you do when you get hyper focused on so that you can identify early that you need help with.
- Make sure you take your meds as prescribed to help with the chemical side of these episodes.
- Reach out to someone if you can to get some support during the episode.
- Set timers and alarms when you start a project, so you know how long it’s been that you started a project. When the alarm goes off take a break and rest or work on something else.
- Try to practice mindfulness during these times to ground yourself and look within so that you can calm yourself down.
All of these things I have, or want, to try during my episodes. When I don’t spend time centering myself and my mind, I find that my bipolar episodes seem much more exaggerated, and my cravings go up and that hyper focus kicks in. The common theme here is that if I don’t spend time on each part of my life in healthy ways, those areas of my life suffer and degrade. But it’s not just the one specific part of my life that suffers when I neglect that specific portion of my life. All of these things are related and are dependent on each other for a full, healthy, and happy body, mind, and life. They all affect each other because my mind isn’t right sometimes and is purely focused on one thing instead of spreading the attention and energy around.
I want to feel better and succeed, not just in those specific areas of my life, but in life as a whole. I am always looking for more ways to live a well balanced life, and I know I only have my perspective, not just on my life, but with the knowledge I have. Because of this I am always looking outwards to see what other people to do to maintain a well balanced life.
If you have tips, please share them with me so I can possibly implement them into my daily life.
I’m working on my First Step and I’m on the section of obsessions and compulsions. I was exhausted earlier today after making the list of obsessions, it is crazy what we addicts do! I’m scared to do my compulsions, ha!