Music That Heals

Music has always been a big source of inspiration and healing for me. Like most everyone on this planet. I was born in the 80’s and grew up on 90’s house, techno, and pop music. The likes of Sonique, Ace of Base, Real McCoy, La Bouche (god who could forget Melanie Thornton’s voice, RIP), Alanis Morrisette, and the list could go on and on. I discovered this music as a kid sitting in my room at night with my see through clock radio as a little queer kid (undiscovered yet).

That was the music I listened to behind my closed door surrounded by my toys and blanket forts and this new obsession with music. But what I listened to outside that door was vastly different. I grew up with a single mom who was juggling one -to-four kids depending on the time of year and how old until they grew out of the house. I won’t make this a mom post, but she was pretty damn amazing, even if I didn’t realize it then. But something she taught me, unbeknownst to her, was a love for a totally different kind of music.

I learned about blues, classic country, folk and americana music, and more. I learned who Etta James, Tracy Chapman, and John Mellencamp. Tracy Chapman has to be one of my favorite musical moments of my childhood. I always wanted to see her live but by the time I could do that, she decided to live as normal of a life as possible, and good for her. She brought magic to the world, and she lets it do its thing.

As a kid behind that door I felt safe, seen, and found myself. In my teens I grew to respect the emotions of music and their effect on me. As a young adult I rediscovered myself in music that spoke about me and what I was going through. And ever since I started getting heavy in drugs and doing the whole relapse/rehab game, I found how music can heal me. The power that music has is undeniable and ever reaching. It literally touches every part of your being. There’s science to back that up.

I’ve put a few playlists together of the songs that have helped me in some of the darkest times in my addiction, and the happiest times in my recovery. I hope you can find something in each of these songs. Music will always be there when everything else isn’t.

For when I’m feeling scatterbrained and trying to plan the peace of the entire world with one little checklist I’ve written in my 53rd journal I’ve purchased this year just so I can set it down somewhere when I’m coming out of mani and to never be found again. This playlist matches my speed when I’m in one of my manic episodes.

I’m sitting in my room in an oversize sweater listening to breakup music or end of the world music or something to validate my irrational feelings where everyone hates me and my husband wants to leave me and nothing’s going right at work. Sometimes I just need a good playlist to move me through those feelings and get you back on track. It’s like an invisible friend accompanying you through your darkest moments.

I’m drifting off to a faraway place where the only thing that exists is music drowning out the sound of anything else when I just want to feel zoned out and dissociating where there are no people or animals or work and feelings. There are days when I just need to be taken aweay to some far off land and regroup with myself and put my mental state first.