Unexpected Consequences of Growth

Growth is different for different people. But there is one common thread in it all; you lose things as you grow. It’s inevitable. It’s beyond your control. And that’s the lesson I am having to learn. Nothing is fixed, nothing is constant, nothing lasts forever.

They say you must change people, places, and things in your life to make sure your recovery is as successful as possible. Those are changes we must make. However, what about the people, places, and things that change around you that are beyond your control? Sometimes those things can be much more of a shock to your life than the things you must change yourself.

Because of my relapse and year of recovery I have changed plenty and lost just as much. My recovery meant I had outgrown certain things in my life. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but that’s life. Not just those things, but also you lose and gain things yourself, like I lost pieces of who I was and there are things I gained as well. Things that serve me in my current chapter of my life. Era if I do say.

When it comes to myself, I lost pieces of who I was and that’s for the better. I lost the constant thoughts of chasing the next high, unaliving myself, and more. What I gained was a clearer mind where I could cope with thoughts of using when they would randomly pop up from time to time. Thoughts of erratic behavior like overspending weren’t as common. And probably the most important thing I learned what I can allow in my life and what can go away.

Losing people in my life unexpectedly was probably one of the more difficult parts of recovery. I of course had you put up boundaries and lose expectations on my end, but what I wasn’t prepared for was people exiting my life because of my relapse and recovery. You outgrow some people, and some outgrow you on their own path, and that’s ok. They served their purpose in your life for whatever time they were there, and then as you grow you must be able to let those people go. It hurts, not going to lie, but things happen for a reason.

There are plenty of reasons people come and go in your life. Some people lose their use for you, and you no longer provide the parts of your life you had to let go. Others don’t grow the same directions as you. Some become jealous of where you are in life and your growth. And others don’t like you growing because it shines a light on their own inability to grow themselves. It puts a light on their own stagnation, Again, you just outgrow some people. And sometimes that can hurt more than you deciding to cast some people aside because it’s out of your control.

It makes me think about what I did wrong, and I can start to spin. I get self-conscious and start to think about other relationships and where they stand. Do other people like me? Are they embarrassed by me? Do they think they are better than me and to have me as a friend? Plenty of questions come up. However, something I have learned is that that’s not my responsibility. What is my responsibility is to make sure I’m doing the next right thing and that everything will fall into place. A place where I am surrounded by people who choose to be in my life.

I have learned to put up boundaries and set expectations on myself and what I let in my life on this journey in recovery. I prioritize my recovery above all else, because without it I wouldn’t be here. I understand as I grow people may be left behind because interests have change. And when people leave my life, I let them. I don’t fight for things I shouldn’t have to.

Other things I have learned are that it’s ok to grieve a lost friendship and let people move on in their own ways. It’s healthy to do so so that you can process and move forward. I’ve had to do that a few times now. It’s not easy, but worth it. I have also learned that when one friend exits, more will show up as you grow who compliment your recovery and growth.

People aren’t the only thing that change in your life. You also must learn how to change places and things, as well as allowing those things to change around you, just like people. When changing places, most of those places need to be changed by you. However, you will lose access to places that were in your previous life. Places you might have enjoyed being in and place that would cause you harm. So just like people, you must accept that change and understand the places you surround yourself with now are more than beneficial compared to that previous life. When it comes to things, the things that trigger you must be left behind. You can’t carry into tour new life things that cause you to want to use. But what can be hard is the things you didn’t want to lose that fall off as a natural part of your growth in recovery.

All in all you will lose a lot in recovery, but those things didn’t serve you the way they used to, and that’s ok. Losing those things is reflective of your growth into the new person you are evolving into. You will gain so much more in recovery as I have learned this last year. Embrace the change and keep moving forward.